Kim Dunkley and her incredible story of starting a family

Kim Dunkley has made it through serious injuries, had major success in Junior sports, moved countries, and brought two babies into the world, with higher needs, during a pandemic, and still tells her story with a huge smile.

Kim is our Head of Data and Special Projects in IDP Connect. She oversees institution and course data, making sure we have an essential quality database of courses to inspire people to learn for a better future. If there’s a data element to a project, she will be involved.

“I grew up in London with a Jamaican father and Irish mother. Some kids couldn’t understand my background and they called me grey. It made me hardy.

When I was four years old, I started Judo and trained four times a week. I competed in the Junior Olympics and won the bronze medal! I was on my way to be a competitor in the Sydney Senior Olympics, but unfortunately, a severe wrist injury requiring a reconstruction put me out of contention.

At university, I studied Zoology, and had intended to go on to further studies in that area. The injury changed my focus, and suddenly I had to find my new way of study without the discipline of training. It was an opportunity to find a new routine and have fun with friends. After Zoology, I joined Hotcourses (now IDP) with the intention of going on to further study. But different and exciting work options came up and I decided to stay. Twenty-two years later, I’m still here! As IDP has grown, there have been more opportunities to grow and learn.

My moped was hit by a car in 2011 and I ended up in hospital, needing seven operations to fix my ankles, knee and hip. For years, I needed crutches to walk. When I got married, I was determined to walk down the aisle by myself and had very intensive physio to make that big personal achievement.

My husband Chris and I moved to the US for our work. We got our dog Kush in the US to keep Chris company, as I travelled between the UK and the USA quite frequently. I was working in Boston and helped that office grow. Boston has a lot of expats, so is quite a transient city. I made a lot of really good friends, but they were always moving on.

In the UK, I’d always been told that I couldn’t have kids because of a fibroid in my uterus. In the US, I found out that the fibroid was blocking one tube, and the moped accident had destroyed the other one. So, the decision was made to try and remove the fibroid, on the low chance that I might be able to have children one day.

Then a miracle occurred, and I discovered I was actually pregnant just before I went in for the fibroid removal. This was unexpected! It was a difficult and painful pregnancy. At 33 weeks, I wasn’t prepared at all, and I went into labour, my waters breaking in the back of an uber. The hospital tried unsuccessfully to stop the labour and after some painful hours, after calling the dog sitter and then my husband, I was rushed in for an emergency caesarean. My daughter Kyah needed to stay in hospital, and I basically moved in and lived there for 5 weeks. In the US, parents don’t get much leave, so I was watching a lot of parents coming in for an hour at a time to visit their babies. I felt very grateful for the leave option I had with IDP and the capacity to spend that time with my baby in the hospital. Being in the US, away from family and friends was quite isolating. Thankfully, work provided the support and network I needed to get through that lonely time. I was also happy when my mum came and stayed with us when we got out of hospital.

When Kyah was 8 months old, we moved back to the UK. Luckily, it was 6 months before COVID. Chris and I had to live separately, with our respective parents and juggled seeing each other, our daughter and dog! Just before the pandemic, we moved into our home, which is on the outskirts of London. We didn’t have time to create a network in our new community before the pandemic hit. Chris’s work was allowed out of the home and so I was home alone with a toddler and no visitors. The flexibility with my work was amazing. With the nursery closed, I set Kyah up with craft activities and gave her scenes to draw, while I worked alongside her, and then worked flexibly around her sleep and awake times. At the start of the lockdown, it was very stressful, but work flexibility brought much relief.

Then the second miracle occurred, and I discovered I was pregnant again. After the birth of Kyah, the fibroid had been removed and the chance of getting pregnant was no longer an option, so this was a huge shock to us. This was another difficult pregnancy. The doctor I was assigned did not have a good bedside manner, and this added to the difficulty. At 23 weeks, at midnight one night, my waters broke, and I drove myself to hospital during a pandemic, thinking this wasn’t really happening.

The advice from the hospital was to terminate the pregnancy, but I just couldn’t do that. I was having terrible situations explained to me, and I was all alone. So, I had to make some big decisions on what might happen. I was moved to a different hospital, which was closer to my parents. I was allergic to the hospital food, so my parents cooked and delivered food daily. I got to the stage where I needed another emergency caesarean and almost had to do it alone as Chris couldn’t get there in time and was looking after Kyah. Thankfully, my mum was finally let in to be with me. My son Logan was born at 25 works and weighed 916g. He was given to me in a tiny bag that replicated the womb, for a quick cuddle, and then rushed to the Intensive Care Unit. During the night I was told he wouldn’t make it through. Determined that he wouldn’t pass alone, I tried to drag myself from my recovery bed, to get to his side. After initially holding me back, the staff eventually helped me get to him. Finally, thankfully, he accepted the oxygen tube. But on day 3 he had a severe brain bleed and after 6 weeks of problems needed brain surgery. After the operation, he slowly got better and moved through 4 hospitals in 17.5 weeks. I was in the hospital daily and slept there when he was in critical condition. This meant I didn’t see much of my two-year-old daughter, or my husband, and dog.

IDP at this time were genuinely unbelievable. Rachel (Collier), Simon (Emmett) and Stuart (Smith) made regular contact and helped me with my leave. Again, they provided the flexibility, but were very strict on not overdoing it. I received a lot of support from team members who had been in difficult situations themselves.

Logan has hemiplegic cerebral palsy and a lot of appointments, and Kyah also has health needs. I also still have medical appointments from the accident so long ago. Going back to work with these commitments, Chris working long hours away from home, and the cost of living (especially in the first year with the oxygen and equipment) was very stressful. The flexibility I have is the best thing ever. It just makes my life work.

I have a very strict routine and a well-oiled machine to get everyone out of the house in the morning and through dinner and bedtime routine in the evening. It can get overwhelming, taking Kush for a walk and getting fresh air helps a lot. I just can’t quit though; I have to persevere. Thinking about my kids and everything they’ve been through, and they are still so happy and positive, gives me the motivation to get through the ups and downs. In the down moments, I have to remember that things will get better and that there is always an up around the corner.

Family is everything to me, and I include good friends in that. I really value the support of my network; it truly makes a difference.

My proudest moments are Kyah’s eventual first feed, Logan coming off oxygen and taking his first breath, Logan pulling himself up on to his feet (we don’t know yet if he will walk), and my bronze Junior Olympic medal.

My experience so far at IDP has brought me financial support, flexibility to juggle all the components of life, wellbeing, discipline and structure, and a great network of friends.

My family and I are open to talking with others about our story, to help others in similar situations, or just to increase awareness. Whether that’s answering questions at the park, or being the face of World Prematurity Day, or doing talks at the hospital, we want our story and support to help others.”

Kim – your story is incredible and the way you convey it comes from a place of true care. And you do it with a smile that is so generous. Thank you.

For extra information, we have provided some useful links:

• Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month

• World Prematurity Day